For those of you who have perhaps felt that my daily missives were a little dull for lack of travel “inconvenience” (all the best travel books are full of pain and suffering), I trust that you will find the following story an entertaining one.

Saturday morning: We woke up and had breakfast in our room (in Bailly, France) prior to hitting the road once again, heading towards the Chunnel. We had a 2:30pm appointment to cross from Calais to Dover, but we expected to arrive several hours early – and past history has shown that we can easily catch earlier trains with no additional cost or problems.

The drive north to the border was pleasant enough – we stopped along the way to fuel up (and use some of my excess Euros to get them out of my pocket) and get some croissants, coffee and tea.

11:30 – driving up a hill only 5 miles out of Calais (and I am not exaggerating… only a measly 5 miles from the Chunnel train terminal) the car suddenly lost power and began making a horrible rattling noise from the engine bay. We had to pull to the side of the road and I quickly killed the engine. Lifting the hood showed that oil had sprayed out all over the engine bay – and a dipstick checked confirmed that there was no more oil in the pan.  We had driven 2947 miles in that Land Rover from when we first took possession of it in London (with my folks).  We were stuck with a dead car in France.

I got on the phone with the car’s mechanic (Colin) in Hartlepool and broke the news.  As helpful as he might want to be, there was little he could do in another country … if only we were in the UK.  I called my UK insurance company who said that I had to originate the issue with the emergency service and police in France.  I called “112” which is their 911 for autos in France and explained the situation and our location.  By the way – nobody speaks English in France if you want them to, and I do not speak French well enough to do anything.  I managed to get my story across and understood that we were to wait until the police showed up.

12:00 – instead of the police, a tow truck showed up.  He did not speak English.  I showed him the problem and he could say “de car ees kaput.”  He loaded up the car and took the 5 of us to his offices in Calais.  I then forked over a ton of cash for his help (it was the weekend, and it was Bastille Day, a Holiday in France).  We then discussed options.

2:00 – Since the car cannot run, we cannot take it onto the Chunnel.  We did have the option of perhaps filling the car full of oil and somehow limping it onto the train – and then rolling off on the other side to English soil.  The key was to get on English soil, where the service companies that Colin is hooked into could take over.  The French mechanic/tow guy did not like this option, but was willing to let us do any old stupid thing we wanted.  He recommended that we take the ferry over the English Channel – under these terms, he insisted that the ferry company personnel would tow our car onto the ferry, and then tow it off on the other side.  All in French, and I don’t speak French – so I was doing a lot of guessing and showing a lot of suspicion over this plan.

Still, that was what we decided would be best.

2:30 – Our French tow guy drove us and the Land Rover over to the Ferry company and helped me buy Ferry tickets for 5 passengers and one dead car.  He then drove us over to a special designated area where we sat waiting for our 3:20 Ferry.  We parted company with him.

3:20 – The Ferry is late.  We continue to sit, wondering if anyone will ever come over and help us.

3:50 – I found a UK police officer (walking a drug dog along large trucks) and asked him if someone would eventually come along and deal with us.  He explained that, yes, we were in the right place and that sooner or later, a tow vehicle (the large kind that have 5th wheel tongues to load 53′ trailers) would help us.

4:00 – The Ferry arrives late and a French crew with a tow trailer arrives and tries to hook us up.  The old Land Rover does not have a modern “tow point” underneath the vehicle.  They refused to attach to the front axle.  A French woman supervisor came over, reviewed and told me that they would not be able to tow the vehicle.  She wanted me to drive it on.  I explained to her that if we could actually drive the car, we wouldn’t be sitting out on the Ferry quay in the middle of nowhere waiting for someone to help tow us.  She refused to help and I told her that we would then have no choice but to sit here.  We couldn’t sit there because of some security concern.  She finally gave me a piece of paper and had me write out in longhand that I would not hold them responsible for attaching the tow rope to the front bumper – which is where I wanted them to attach all along.  On the Land Rover, the front bumper is basically a huge metal I-Beam, attached at 4 locations to the front frame, and is sturdy enough to mount winches & etc.

4:15 – We get pulled onto the Ferry – first one on!

4:20 – We’re now out of the car and upstairs, in the lounge (after long overdue potties) and are buying any food we can find since we haven’t eaten anything since breakfast that morning.  Some of you may know how Brenda feels about boat rides.  She began administering anti-nausea medicine to everyone in the family and found a place where she could sit down, remain calm, and try to forget not only what we’ve already been through, but also what she’s about to go through.

4:30 – Meanwhile, I’m on the phone with Colin trying to sort out what we’re going to do when we land.  I book a rental car in Dover for us to use.

The Ferry ride is about 1 hour 20 minutes… and we gain one hour via time zone change landing in Dover.

4:45 – They tow us off of the ferry (last ones off!) and deposit us in a parking location around the main office.

Now, a great number of discussions take place on the UK side with the Ferry company staff.  Since we crossed countries, we had to clear UK immigration in France (no problem) but would also have to clear France immigration on the UK side.  The problem was that while I could leave the grounds and get my car, I would not be able to get back in (they were closed now on Saturday evening).  Also, I then find out that the car rental office had closed at 4:00pm so there was no car to retrieve.

The Ferry company then reports that we cannot leave the car where it is overnight unattended due to security concerns.  They suggested that Brenda and the kids leave, clear immigration and get a hotel.  I could leave the car parked there overnight, but would then have to stay with the car that night, or in their 24-hour Ferry terminal.  Even if this made any sense, I told them that Brenda wasn’t approved to drive in the UK and wouldn’t be able to get the car and then get back in.

6:00 – The Ferry company decides that they would get one of their tow vehicles and pull us just far enough to get out of the “restricted area” and out of their jurisdiction.  They explain to the French what they are doing and we get pulled officially into the UK, and then deposited into a parking lot just at the entrance of the terminal – one that only allows parking for 15 minutes at a time.

7:00 – I have been trying to find a hotel available in Dover, Canterbury or any of the surrounding areas … and nothing is available for that Saturday night – everything is booked.  I still had my original reservation in Margate, about 23 miles away. I find a taxi company in Dover who will drive the 5 of us and luggage up to Margate that evening.

8:00 – The taxi comes, picks us up and takes us to our B&B in Margate.  We leave the car where it is overnight, hoping for the best.

8:30 – I’m on the phone with the car rental company trying to confirm that we have a car reservation for the next day, and to find out when the offices open on a Sunday.  They say they never saw my reservation.

9:00 – We’re at the B&B and they agree to make us a late dinner – Fish and Chips for 5.  I have a beer and want 3 more.

Before dropping us off, I made an arrangement with the taxi driver to return the next morning at 9:30am and take us back to Dover and the car rental agency office.  I get online and make a new reservation to have a car available.  The car I want is no longer available (SUV to carry 5 and all our luggage) so I get the biggest they have and hope for the best.

We go to bed at 10:00. Exhausted, cranky, sick, worried.

I get up early the next morning and make hotel reservations for us on Sunday night in Canterbury thinking that:
a) Everything goes to plan… we get to stay in a great town nearby, have time to play and have some fun, and then start fresh on Monday.
b) Everything goes to crap… we’re close enough to Dover to have taxis take us there and back with little difficulty.

Next morning, I’m on the phone with Colin, who is making arrangements with the British equivalent of AAA to look at the car and, hopefully, tow it from Dover to Hartlepool.

8:00 – We’re having a full English Breakfast downstairs … our first great meal in waaaay too long.

9:30 – The taxi driver shows up right on time.

10:00 – The rental car office is open and they do have my original reservation.  What’s more, they have an SUV for us… one that we can keep for the week and drop off at Heathrow when we’re ready to leave.

10:15 – We’re back at the Land Rover – which did not disappear, did not get towed and does NOT have a boot on the tire.  It was thankfully just ignored.  Brenda starts unloading all of our possessions from the LR to our new SUV.

10:45 – The AA guy shows up, confirms that the car is broken, and gets on the phone with his central dispatch.  They start making arrangements for towing.

11:00 – We give him the keys, get in our SUV and drive off.

11:30 – We’re in Canterbury having fun.  24 hours later.
What happened?  We don’t yet know … but the current theory is that some seal/gasket on the turbo failed and that it began taking in all of the oil.  It is academic now as that the engine is almost certainly ruined and even if it hasn’t been thrashed, it won’t ever be in our car.  Colin, to his credit, has been sick about the situation and is paying to have the car returned and will be dropping in a new engine.  He (and rightfully so) has taken full responsibility and will make things right by us.

The French – they were either not helpful or would help with one hand out to get paid.

The British – completely and almost embarrassingly helpful.  They went way out of their way to try and help us, bend rules, check in on us, several of them offered to personally give us ride to various locations.  They wanted no money, just to take care of 5 foreigners in a bad spot.

The kids – could not have behaved better.  Two of them are sick.  No complaints, no fights, no problems.  They KNEW that the shit had hit the fan and had the good sense not to add to the stress levels we experienced all day.

The fact that the car died in France made the situation much more difficult than if the car had died just 10 road miles down the way… On the other hand, it did not die on us driving up the hairpin, 1 lane mountain roads in Switzerland.

We have our rental and spent the rest of today having a wonderful time – hit a Starbucks to load up on coffee, tea and hot chocolates.  Great lunch in The Moat Tea Room, wandered about town, window shopped and then drove around the countryside enjoying the afternoon.  Our hotel tonight is fantastic, we have internet access, a place to clean clothes, and can walk to dinner.  So, we’re back on schedule … just a slightly different schedule.

On the bright side, we actually picked up two extra days to play – since we no longer have to drive the LR up to Hartlepool and then drive back down.  The car is on its way back to Colin’s garage.  He should have it no later than Tuesday afternoon to begin replacing the motor as well as fixing all of the other niggling problems that we experienced or noted during our 4 weeks of driving.

I’ll be talking with Colin later this week about what are the next steps, and what restitutions will be made to us for what has occurred.